Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dodging the bullet

Well it's been a few weeks since the last entry, and we have great news! I got promoted! In the world of the call center, it becomes really competitive. I am so thrilled to have accepted the Team Lead position, and to have climbed the ladder so quickly! Only down side is I do have some training to do, so it may delay some of the doctor's appointments. However, it feels great to have success at something...

In other news....we are still not pregnant! Big shocker, I know. And what's up with the title you ask? Well that's the little pesky question that began popping up after we celebrated our 2nd anniversary. WHEN are you going to have a baby!?! I know its the natural progression in life, but it's such an awkward question to answer. Do I slap on a smile that hides the real emptiness we feel and say "when the time is right." Or do I make the person asking feel awful and say "we are facing infertility issues and can't currently make a child, have a nice day?" I guess it depends on how well we know that person, and how strong JM and I are feeling that day. By strong, I mean not having a flood of unstoppable tears and it ruin a would be nice day, triggered by that question. So what would be a better way to ask this question? Here's a general rule of thumb(why is it a rule of thumb?Why can't it be a pinky?) Athem...As a general rule of pinky, if the couple has been married more than 3 years, don't push your luck. Let them mention it to you.

The other thing I wanted to mention in this blog: how incredibly difficult it is to be happy for someone who announces they're pregnant. I guess the best way to explain the feeling is when your friends all had boyfriends or girlfriends, and fell madly in love. Remember how you felt like the odd man out, just waiting for your chance to enjoy the same thing. You just wanted to feel and look the way your friends were;happy. So if you ask me to attend your baby shower, I'll probably graciously decline, and I am really really sorry if I break out it tears when you tell me you're pregnant. It's nothing against you, or your big news, it's how badly we want what you know have. It's the many years we've spent trying to achieve something you seemed to achieve in a few months, or maybe didn't even try to do. In the end, we are happy that another beautiful person will be brought into this world, to experience all the great things life has to offer.

That's it for now...


Monday, January 2, 2012

2012 Means 5 years of...

First off, if you know either of us from a more professional prepared for raw and very real emotions. Infertility can quickly bring either of us to tears, so I apologize for expectations you were hoping we continued to live up too.

 Second, I'm Lisa. I am 23 and I love photography. I have been lucky enough to photograph children,family's and my personal favorite Wedding's.I also work for 5/3 Bank in their call center. My family is very large.My Mom is 1 of 7, my Dad is 1 of 4, and I am the youngest and the infertile sibling out of 7 kids. John-Marc(JM) is 26 and is a Production Trainer at Steak N'Shake. He is the 2nd oldest of 4, and would really like to make his Mom and Dad Grandparents for the first time.

So this fertility struggle began in 2007. We met in January that year and fell instantly in love. We did the whole long distance relationship thing for about 6 months, before JM moved to Grand Rapids. We lived with my Mom for a few months before getting our first apartment that October. About a month after settling in our new home, we decided we wanted a baby. I remember so clearly the conversation we had. It was 11/11/07. We knew we were young, veeeeery young. I was 2 months over 19 and JM was 22. By no means were we fit to be the world's best parents, but our hearts were open and ready. So then we decided we were done with birth control, and we would welcome a bundle of joy in 9 months from then!!....

4 years,2 cars, and a new house with an empty bedroom later, we are still waiting for that bundle of joy. Still holding out hope that magically I'll pee on a stick and we will get to do a "OMG! We are finally pregnant!" dance. That I'll get to make a facebook status declaring the great news and watch the likes and comments flood my notification meter. But it's not going too happen on it's own.

When I was lucky enough to land the 5/3 job, we were blessed with health insurance. We went to a consultation with an OBGYN to make a game plan. Ummm yeah, wasn't prepared for the ginormous medical bill afterwards. So we put the game plan on hold, and saved a little money. So it's 2012 now. We picked different health insurance plan, and enrolled in a Flex Spending Account to help offset the costs. We are approaching 5 years of dreaming of being parents, it's time to get serious about it.

So tomorrow, JM will get a lab slip written up to test his swim team's capabilities, and I'll set up an appointment for the beginning of February. I am scared to death. I don't know what they'll tell me, and what all can be done. I guess I am scared to death of the ultimate no. That there is no hope for us creating our own child.

Our life has a funny way of working itself out. We think it can't get any worse and suddenly were are showered in blessings. So I will continue to hope and pray that it's something simple, and that this blog will be short lived.

Until then...